Bulldog Killed In Mishap: Top 10 List

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Sad news in River City today. The Bulldog has been tragically killed in an industrial accident here in Ottawa.

We probe the causes of the death by way of a Top 10 list:

10. Bulldog mysteriously killed under wheels of City of Ottawa lawnmower covered in hamburger;

9. “People and canines must exercise more care around municipal equipment,” Mayor Jim Watson says.

8. Police Chief Charles Bordeleau says “no foul play” suspected in Bulldog death;

7. Coroner’s jury rules Mayor Jim Watson should not operate motorized equipment again;

6. Watson reads 30-second eulogy at Bulldog funeral, then attends seven other events that afternoon;

5. Watson declares Day Without Tweeting in memory of Bulldog, names Porta Potty after Bulldog, cuts ribbon to open it, attends 73 events that same day;

4. Bulldog buried in another light-rail tunnel sinkhole in touching ceremony;

3. Watson declares burial “on-time and on-budget”;

2. Watson and city council unanimously approve 113-storey condo atop Bulldog grave “just to make sure he stays in there”. Zoning calls for six storeys;

1.City manager Steve Kanellakos says municipal lawnmowers will no longer be covered in hamburger. “A dangerous practice,” Kanellakos says. “Someone could get killed.”

 

Mayor Jim Watson eating hamburger minutes before shocking death of The Bulldog.

 


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2 thoughts on “Bulldog Killed In Mishap: Top 10 List

  1. Ken,
    I understand the references, the jabs, the right-crosses and the upper-cuts of this “Top Ten List”.
    I also went on and googled Mr. Wood. I found articles about the 2014 election along with facts concerning bordellos to wedding officiant.

    I am left with three questions :
    1/ How did you write about what happened after you were killed ?

    2/ Why would mayoral candidates endorse a hamburger ?

    3/ Do you think that I could get his lairdship to endorse my “Choo-choo-chocolate” flavour of “Official Ottawa Fudge” ?

    I picture the theme as being something along the lines of those beer commercials. A bearded face ( he’ll need to grow one ) covered in fudge and a catch-phase. ” I often fudge the facts but when I eat fudge I always ask for Choo-choo-choclate.”

    skoal,
    Chaz

    0

    1. To: Chaz
      1. Bulldogs have 9 lives?
      2. They are endorsing a hamburger named after them.
      What struck me is how professional Watson was in eating, then speaking, about ‘his hamburger’.
      Suggests hours of practice.
      Wonder how Watson does it given his important mayor duties.

      0

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