Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver Suck: Here’s Why




It really gets tiresome living in a city that’s a punchline to a bad joke.

“Ottawa is the city that fun forgot. Ha ha ha ha.”

Morons. Don’t these horribly sophisticated, humourless souls know that if you tell a joke five-million times, that it’s not funny after the first 100,000 tellings.

Never tell a dentist a tooth joke. He’s heard it. Don’t tell a lawyer a lawyer joke. He’s heard it. Probably didn’t like it the first time either.

That joke talks about an Ottawa of about 30 years ago. If people in Montreal, Vancouver and Toronto (great tellers of this joke) actually got their heads out of their posteriors and came here, they’d find a pretty good city. Lots of things to do, good infrastructure and an outstanding quality of life. It’s certainly better than the slums of Montreal or pouring every nickel you have into your wildly over-priced house in Vancouver or trying to live in crowded, expensive, polluted, traffic-clogged Hogtown.

I can get to the National Arts Centre in 10 minutes. Hard to say how long it takes people who work in Toronto and drive from Barrie where they can afford a house to get to a Blue Jays game. About as long as it takes to get to a Blue Jays game from Ottawa.

Toronto was never fun, Montreal is fun if you like language tension and a city living off a reputation of 30 years ago that no longer exists, and Vancouver is fun if you have any money left from paying your mortgage to go to Starbucks.

“The city that fun forgot. Ha ha ha.”

So in the Citizen recently we have Jonathan McLeod pleading with people to stop the old bad joke.

More than anything, Ottawa, I look forward to a time when politicians and pundits no longer worry about being “world class”. We’re a great a city with great potential. There’s no reason for this inferiority complex.

Of course the greatest offenders are the denizens of the Citizen itself … the light-hearted Andrew Cohen who is way too good for this city and would like the federal government to blow its fiscal brains out trying to be Paris or London and the effervescent Randy Denley who shockingly admitted recently that after years of honing his civic vision in Fallowfield, he feels Ottawa has met his obtuse standards. Yahoo.

So after McLeod issued this plea, the Citizen comes up with this worldly lead in a story;

Congratulations, Ottawa: You’ve awakened from your “sleepy” reputation as a listless government worker town into a vibrant metropolis with a flourishing food scene, rocking nightlife and yes — no more Wine Rack.

That’s the latest verdict in the New York Times, which published an article Thursday that surveyed the best Ottawa had to offer in a short 36-hour period.

Oh goody. New York thinks we’re not provincial anymore and we think that’s nice.

Live your life Ottawans. Forget about it. Don’t worry about what other places think of you.

You’re doing just fine and better in so many ways than Montreal, Vancouver, Toronto and yes, even New York.

You’re not likely to get shot and you can still have a backyard.

Why … you can have fun. That noise you hear from out of town is envy.


Photo above: The ByWard Market is probably not fun enough for out-of-towners.


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2 thoughts on “Montreal, Toronto and Vancouver Suck: Here’s Why

  1. Now there’s an article that says you love your city but don’t be too hard on others that make jokes.

    There was a standing joke on the Canadian TV show Corner Gas wherein every time the name of their rival town was mentioned the locals spat. They even carried that tradition on in one episode where the rival town came to their rescue but they had to spit when the rival town’s name was mentioned.

    If they are talking about you it is only with love.


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