OK Bike Gnomes, Get Ready To Fight


This will drive the wee bike gnomes nuts.

Apparently there is a report circulating around city hall that says bikes are not saving the environment. In fact, exactly the opposite.

Bike lanes cause fewer lanes for autos and are creating more greenhouse gases than are being saved by people biking (though that was kind of obvious already because the gnomes’ moaning and bitching creates a lot of methane).

Fewer car lanes caused by cycling lanes create more traffic jams and thus more idling and greenhouse gases. Furthermore, because bike lanes have reduced on-street auto parking, people are spending more time driving trying to find parking spots. Accordingly, more gases. In fact even more gases expended than when cyclists vehemently deny that their fellows drive the wrong way on streets, use sidewalks as bike lanes and are generally a pain in the lower extremities when ignoring traffic rules.

Of course that can’t be happening because all cyclists are perfect and are striving to find world peace through pedalling.

But no worries. The city planning department will continue to wage its war on cars and the report will never see the light of day. But remember that the next opponent of Mayor Jim Watson will run with a plank saying that bike lanes are causing difficulties. And car drivers will flock to that candidate.

Be careful what you lobby for. The backlash is coming.

No word if the report agrees with cyclists that biking cures almost every disease known to mankind.


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5 thoughts on “OK Bike Gnomes, Get Ready To Fight

  1. Cyclists are at par with rats, raccoons and roaches when it comes to being nuisances. The city would do much better spending tax money elsewhere. I would ban cyclists on roadways and contain them on cycle paths or anywhere else where they are not a menace to themselves, pedestrians and drivers.


  2. Elected officials set policy to pander for votes, with little or no thought to whether the freshest sets of policies are coherent with prior sets of policies. Solving matrices involves optimizing the overall outcome, and matrix math can be challenging for people who major in communications.


  3. I intend to wait and read the document before I put on my gnome garb….just to demonstrate that I’m calm, rational and not at war with anyone.


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