OC Transpo general manager John Manconi said last week transit ridership in Ottawa was down a little bit in the first quarter of 2017. However he failed to produce a concrete number of fewer riders.
The city has not released how big the little bit was which is causing great consternation among the staff and management of The Bulldog.
So this website will try to parse out this failure of figures in a Top 10 list.
Exactly what is OC Transpo saying when it maintains that first-quarter 2017 ridership figures are down a little bit?
10. Is a square little-bit bigger than a teenie-weenie?
9. How many hectares are there in a square little-bit? What is the square root of a little-bit? What is that in teenie-weenies?
8. Are there kilopascals in a square little-bit? What is a too-big little-bit? Can a jumbo shrimp be measured in too-big little-bits? Will the OC Transpo analysis be measured in teenie-weenies? Can horse manure be measured in square little-bits?
7. Is the fate of the Western world riding on the outcome of the little-bit in the first-quarter 2017 ridership figures? Is that why OC Transpo is not releasing first-quarter ridership figures? Are we facing Armageddon if the little-bit is too big and this figure is released on an unsuspecting public? Has OC Transpo called in James Bond to avoid the aforementioned Armageddon? Does James Bond use OC Transpo? Do Doctor No or Goldfinger or Jaws or Pussy Galore ride the bus? Can this be stopped? Are OC Transpo riders in danger from fictional 007 movie characters? How can we be safe when Goldfinger walks among us?
6. How much addition and subtraction are involved in analyzing OC Transpo ridership? Will all future city measurements be using square little-bits? How many square little-bits of soil were displaced in the Waller Street and Rideau Street sinkholes? More than the quantity of teenie-weenies of sod on the Alexandra Bridge on July 2?
5. Are multiplication and division a part of analyzing OC Transpo ridership figures and is that what is slowing down releasing that information?
4. If the city didn’t do a ridership analysis of the $2.3-billion light-rail project, why is it analyzing first-quarter transit ridership? Is a square little-bit a measure of time as in the light-rail project will be a little bit late?
3. Will the transit service be analyzing how many people curse down OC Transpo like a scabid dog when riders discover they have to transfer at Tunney’s Pasture or Hurdman or Blair Road in January from the bus to the train and are paying $2.3 billion to do it? Why is there a controversy but Mayor Jim Watson is not involved in it? Can’t OC Transpo make a half-decent controversy? What’s wrong with these people?
2. OC Transpo says it expects a “small bump” in ridership when light rail begins. What is a “small bump” in square little-bits or teenie-weenies? Will city communications deny John Manconi said small bump? Is the new OC Transpo policy to deny anything John Manconi says publicly?
1. How much is a “small bump” in cost-per-bump in the $2.3-billion light-rail project? If it is two riders, does that mean that each new rider will cost $1.15 billion? How long will the analysis take of small-bump figures because it requires division? Will the delay be substantial? How many small bumps can tap dance on the head of a pin?
Video above: These are the kinds of threats Ottawans face with Goldfinger loose in town.
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