And not to denigrate the cause of women, which is serious and most certainly worth promoting and encouraging, but what about a men’s theme for Canada Day?
Why it’s our country, too.
So by way of a Top 10 list, we explore the rights of men:
What Rights Should Men Be Granted On Canada Day?
10. A decree to ensure that baseball pitchers can scratch themselves on national TV;
9. The right of World Cup soccer players to embarrassingly shield their junk in front of hundreds of millions of fans when blocking free kicks;
8. The right of soccer players to writhe in agony when, despite shielding one’s junk, it still results in getting one right in the … you know;
7. The right to laugh and yell “ding dong” at baseball practices when one of your teammates gets one in the … you know.
6. To use all the world as men’s toilets;
5. To sit unshaven and unwashed watching five straight baseball games while drinking beer, eating cheetos and belching;
4. The right to ignore your wife when she says: “Don’t you have anything better to do than watch five baseball games?” and then say “no” (because it is true);
3. To spit from a hockey bench and watch it freeze on the ice;
2. The right to fall asleep after sex;
1. The right to be completely and utterly confused by women because they are smarter than we are. We don’t have a chance.
OK, Minister Melanie Joly. You still have time to enact these before Canada Day. The Bulldog has given you and Canadian Heritage a head start.
And maybe next year, minister, we could have some themes that are fun? Canada Day is a celebration and a party, you know, and it has been pretty tough to be a Canadian recently.
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