Wow. You Must Be Smart To Cycle


When did cycling become so complicated?

The tweet above from #ottbike shows that your agent has no understanding of cycling. Your agent is incredibly naive. Why he just thought cycling consisted of: get on bike; slap on helmet; get water; go.

Your agent is surprised it is more complicated than that.

But then cycling has changed incredibly over the years. I learned that from #ottbike on Twitter where we discovered that most of the illnesses that afflict mankind can be cured by cycling. That has to be difficult to do. Complicated, no doubt.

You could look it up. The Bike Gnomes love to look up things that favour their cause … whatever that is.

Why as we speak officials should be putting stationary bikes into critical-care wards all over The Ottawa Hospital.

In fact we could replace all those pesky doctors with cycling advocates … the Bike Gnomes.

Ottawa is blessed that it has these people.

You know if the Gnomes just scratched the surface of this puppy, they would know that your agent does believe that cycling is good for your health (though one doubts it cures cancer). But then all forms of exercise do that to some degree.

And biking is good for the environment. No fumes. The hot air comes when the Gnomes aren’t cycling.

But what bothers your agent about the Gnomes is their self-righteous attitudes, their monstrous self-importance, their sole possession of The Truth and that they are cheap as in they won’t license bikes or pay user fees.

In short, they are selfish and pompous and that’s what makes it so fun to satirize them.

You know they say in politics that if people are yelling at you, it means they take you seriously.

If they’re laughing at you, you’re finished.

Don’t forget, Gnomes … World Peace Through Pedalling.


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11 thoughts on “Wow. You Must Be Smart To Cycle

  1. ‘ He lacks an understanding of cycling’ — did not realize there was such a steep learning curve.
    The same difficult cycling done by young children?


  2. Ken:

    Before there was a motorcycle driver’s licence and before the helmet law, there were anti-change advocates.

    You should have heard the rants. They went from silly to sillier. They made claims that helmets were actually dangerous and plenty of examples were cited. Of course, a special driver’s licence was a complete no-no. That test and licence was cited as an infringement on personal rights.

    The helmet law was passed and a new class of driver’s licence was added. The world of motorcycling changed and, in my opinion, the riders are better off for those changes.

    Car and truck drivers wanted a bridge and it was going to be a huge cost. People argued that they already paid property tax, income tax and gas tax and therefore they wanted this built. The infrastructure was built and a little toll was introduced. This user fee went towards a project called the Burlington Skyway.

    Special licence, helmets for all cyclists, collecting some kind of user fees – seems reasonable to me.

    One shouldn’t call a discussion about change an exercise in trolling.



    1. Chaz:

      I think our friends over on #ottbike see themselves as progressives and agents of change.

      And in some respects, they are.

      But in other areas, particularly the field of rules, licences and user fees, they are in the dark ages.

      Cycling is a free-for-all on the roads, lacks any kind of testing and cyclists are not paying anything for their facilities.

      What do you call people like that?




  3. Let’s just ban cyclists altogether and the streets and sidewalks of Ottawa will be safer for it….and it will save taxpayers money because cyclists are not contributors to the bike lanes, sidewalks and streets they use. Just dangerous nuisances to drivers and pedestrians.


  4. While I am sure that most illnesses can be cured by cycling, I am not sure it will work for prostate enlargement or hemorrhoids.


  5. “Cycling is a free-for-all on the roads, lacks any kind of testing and cyclists are not paying anything for their facilities.
    “What do you call people like that?”
    Answer: Free Riders.


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