Councillor Tim Tierney Does It Again

Generally, most people celebrate the beginning of construction season by sitting in an hour-long traffic jam and getting a mouthful of dust before they get their car windows closed.

But not Beacon Hill-Cyrville Councillor Tim Tierney. No, no, no.

Tierney, the namer of snow-plows, eater of pudding cups on close-up TV and NIckelback tattoo model, as an add-on to his usual activities, is also the chairman of the transportation committee. That post must really get in the way of scheduling more body art. Apparently, nothing gets the heart pumping of a standing committee chairman like the opening of the construction season. Oh yes, and a chance for free publicity.

Why is this not a holiday? You know the Tim Tierney Construction Day. Has a bit of a ring to it. We could celebrate by running a beauty contest … say, best crawler and best backhoe … though it’s hard to know how you put a Miss Crawler sash on the aforementioned equipment..

Yes, be still my heart. I hope they can meet the standards of ex-mayor Jim Watson who perfected the grip-and-grin. Maybe Watson will be there for old-time sake or to get his picture taken.

But instead of naming a day after the chairman, he’s holding a celebration news conference. How modest. Saving your tax money in action.


Below is the city press release with your agent’s comments inserted into it in boldface:

City to mark 2024 construction season

Ottawa – Transportation Committee Chair Tim Tierney, Somerset Ward Councillor Ariel Troster, and Rideau-Vanier Ward Councillor Stéphanie Plante (co-conspirators) will hold an event to mark the 2024 construction season in Ottawa (fireworks? Drones?).

Date: Monday, June 3, 2024

Time: 1:30 – 2 pm

Location: North side of MacKenzie King Bridge, between the NAC and the Shaw Centre

Access to event site: Parking is not available at the event site (who knew?). Guests (Guests? perhaps they should be ‘clients’ or ‘partners’ or ‘team members’) may park at City Hall (What? A civic press release promoting parking? The CBC will be arriving by light rail, Kitchissippi Councillor Jeff Leiper by tricycle) and walk to event site (a street). Access to event site is at Elgin Street and Albert Street (do investigative civic reporters actually need instructions on how to walk across Confederation Park? Put left foot forward, shift weight to left foot, put right foot forward, put weight on right foot, balance, repeat).

The event is outdoors so please dress in weather-appropriate business attire (this is priceless, should reporters wear mittens with a string joining them across the back? You never know … a June cold snap? The reporters are being told to wear “business attire”? Really? Will the shirt-less pedestrian wearing a Speedo be insulted by the journalistic attire? Should they wear diapers under their tuxedos?) with comfortable walking shoes (oh good grief … your agent is lost for words … canvas shoes or leather culled from free-range cows?). Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) will not be required (well thank goodness because the instructions aren’t very specific … face masks? Hard hats? Steel-toed boots? PPE outside post-pandemic). In the event of heavy rain, City Hall will become the alternate event site (where are the instructions so that the city hall reporter can find city hall? That’s a very serious omission).

Media can register to attend the event by emailing medias@ottawa.ca. (You have to register to stand on the street).

So what we have here is a non-event for political publicity and bureaucratized in a way that would have made a Soviet commissar wince. What? No five-year construction plan?

And ya wonder why da train don’t run.

Now the ultimate test. Will there be any media that actually run this compostable refuse? If so, pathetic.

Ken Gray

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6 Responses

  1. sisco farraro says:

    I believe Mr. Tierney and his minions probably attended and graduated, with flying colours, from The Donald Trump School of Self Importance”.

  2. Ron Benn says:

    Perhaps my reading comprehension skills have deteriorated, but what is this event for? Construction season? Is that something to commemorate? To celebrate? To bemoan?

    If a press conference was held and the press didn’t attend/report on it, did it make any noise?

  3. Ken Gray says:

    Ron:

    If by some terrible turn of events, a reporter must write this up, it was in newsrooms called “whipped air.”

    cheers

    kgray

  4. Kosmo says:

    Tim Tierney the Mayor of Sesame Street

  5. Ken Gray says:

    kosmo … brilliant … cheers k

  6. The Voter says:

    Will they be closing lanes of traffic on the bridge to put on this amazing event? (Note: That’s ‘amazing’ in the disbelieving, gob-smacked way, not in the praising sense!) Why can you only access the bridge from the west? Is it closed off at the Nicholas Street end? If you’re coming from Rideau Street or the Byward Market, can you not get to it through the Rideau Centre or is it closed too? Is it mandatory that you park at city hall?

    Business attire to attend a construction-related event on the site of a busy roadway? Why? Will it ruin their event if someone shows up in a golf shirt and slacks? Will people not be admitted to this important event if they fail the dress code? Comfortable walking shoes? Are they heading off on a walking tour of all the construction sites after the event?

    After one has parked at City Hall as instructed and if there is light to moderate rain, should you walk over to the site anyway? How will they notify people if the venue is relocated? What do they define as “heavy rain” and what if it’s moderate rain at 1:15 but the sky’s open up at 1:35?

    Is this going to be an annual event or is this a one-off? Will a statutory holiday be proclaimed in the future so the whole community can participate in Construction Season Launch Day with events in their neighbourhood? Oh, the possibilities!

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