Ottawa Rats On The Pill: TOP 10 LIST

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A panicked Ottawa City Hall, overwhelmed by an outbreak of rats, considers birth control for the rodents.

We address this pressing problem by way of a Top 10 List:


Top 10 Reasons Ottawa City Council Ponders Birth Control For Rats:

10. Sensitivity training lost on rats;

9. Can’t read Ottawa Public Health pamphlets;

8. Female rats a pushover for candlelight, a bit of cheese, soft music;

7. Dressing up male rats in leisure suits didn’t repel females;

6. Need parental consent for the pill;

5. Male rats can’t resist low-cut dress and four high heels;

4. Rats crazy about online dating;

3. Male rats not distracted by Stanley Cup playoffs;

2. No TVs in sewer bedrooms;

1. Rats are easy.

Ken Gray


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5 Responses

  1. The Voter says:

    Oh … this story was about sewer rats! And here I thought it was about the other kind of rats that City Council has to deal with. Now I get it!

    What’s the lifespan of your average well-fed, city-dwelling, sewer-type rat? This plan is to stop reproduction but it won’t deal with the thousands of existing rats. How many years will we have to wait for the current rat population to die of natural causes? Will the female rats live longer if their bodies aren’t producing litter after litter of little rats?

  2. Ken Gray says:

    I’m sorry Ms. Voter but I’m not a biologist, just a journalist, a lower form of specialist.

    That said, on numerous occasions I’ve been called a rat, so I have a certain expertise in the field.

    You’d think I’d know more about this, but I don’t.

    Cheers and thx


  3. Ron Benn says:

    There is no short, direct, ‘tried tested and true’ path that cannot be avoided in the search for a more complicated, expensive, completely immeasurable but none the less non-solution that will make some small self interest group feel good.

  4. Ken Gray says:

    Save The Rats k

  5. Ken Gray says:

    Rats Are People, Too k

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