RAT CONTROL: Patton’s Great Lost Joke

When Ottawa City Council was considering whether to use birth control on rats, it missed an important procedure.

What about vasectomies? Where were the tall foreheads on our esteemed council on that when they were weighing the matter of rat birth control?

Where was Mayor Mark Sutcliffe? His Worship is more than willing to cut OC Transpo bus routes, but is he prepared to do micro-micro surgery on a rodent. This medical procedure wouldn’t be necessary if Sutcliffe and crew picked up the garbage … you know a basic service … one the reasons municipalities were created in the first place. Well? What do you say Your Mayorship? Just how steady are your hands after all those marathons?

OK, this could create some added pressure on our overcrowded emergency rooms. But no matter. When it comes to efficiency, our city council and staff are second to none. They could use the same lessons they learned building and operating light rail and apply them to operating rooms. Wonder how many operating rooms you could buy with $6.4 billion.

Now our man Mike Patton brought up the idea of rat condoms but wondered out loud about whether you could get condoms that small. Then he suggested an expert in the field who had we published that fact, we would have been sued so badly that we would have had to sell the skyscraper that houses Bulldog World Headquarters and find a country that Canada doesn’t have an extradition treaty with. And move there. Permanently. As permanently as the effectiveness of a vasectomy.

Sorry Mike. A great lost joke.

You will notice a jump cut in his most recent video that contained the offending phrase. It was hilarious. Take my word for it.

But no, you can’t see it. We’ve come to like our digs in the World Headquarters skyscraper and, on occasion, living in Ottawa.

Ken Gray


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3 Responses

  1. Annette Goldenberg says:

    Well that’s really a good one, but that’s for male rats. What about the female rats? Remember the female rats,mice? could also get fixed. If they don’t somewhere in Ottawa these females will find a rat that didn’t get his vasectomy and whoops there another pregnant mouse or is it a rat? LOL This hs to be the funniest thing thing I’ve ever heard. Also who is going to pay for this? Unless the rat happens to have a Visa or Mastercard. Keep up the good work.

  2. Kosmo says:

    Very funny people this is a perfect example of abuse and disrespect to our little friends. You won’t find this very funny when the rat rights coalition (RRC) come knocking on your door. Has anyone thought the Rat’s feelings maybe offer a hug. Has anyone asked for permission on performing these vasectomies? Feeding rats birth control without their knowledge or consent is a human rights complaint in the making.

    What’s next? free transit for any rat family with no kids? Name the rat contest?

  3. The Voter says:

    Well, that’s going to set the rats among the pigeons, so as to speak! Now you will have started endless speculation about who this rat-slicing individual might be and what was the whole joke. Especially knowing it was generated by that acerbic Patton wit!

    The possibilities are not unlimited since the person is someone who could/would effectively banish you.

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