Gerbils Are Smarter Than Newspaper Editors

“How to vote in the Canadian federal election”

Globe and Mail headline

Put X on ballot. Drop in box.

And this is the paper the smart people read. Sheesh.

So far, 7-million Canadians have accomplished this complicated task in advance polls… before the Globe told them how to do it. People are very remarkable.

Actually the above is not true. You don’t put your ballot in the box. Someone does it for you which explains just about everything you need to know about government. And then after putting the ballot in the box for you, they don’t listen to you for four years. And that’s democracy, Vladimir Putin.

This is a throwback to the period of newspapers called News You Can Use. This was the process of taking a ridiculously simple story and making it simpler with an explanatory sidebar. Also called second-degree tree homicide for no good reason.

But back to NCYU. People could understand the first story because they are reasonably smart. The News-You-Can-Use sidebar was for your reading-challenged dog or cat though surprisingly above the comprehension level of your garden-variety guppy.

How to drink a glass of water. Put water in glass, not up to the edge but a bit lower so it doesn’t spill. Drink the water in smooth, even gulps. If some of the water gets in your lungs, cough. Dispose of the excess water in your garden so it can trickle through nature’s ecosystem. Do not let other people use glass. Put glass directly in dishwasher. See next story: how to start dishwasher.

The News-You-Can-Use phenomenon was a surprising product of modern times, not an epoch when you hunted your food with a club and the food hunted you back. The NYCU trend proved categorically that readers and dinosaurs and gerbils were much smarter than the almost-extinct newspaper senior editor.

One story that newspapers never wrote was the always fascinating: How to unsubscribe from a newspaper.

But somehow, millions of readers figured that out without the help of NYCU.

Worth noting in a related vein, the Globe now has a happiness reporter. Honest.

Do they still have hard-news reporters that break like real news, huh?

The mind wobbles.

Ken Gray

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