Jesus Can’t Meet Fishes, Loaves Target: BEAVERTON

Published 05/03/2024 · Updated 06/10/2024

Times are tough all over:

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PARADISE, NS ? In a new testament to the widespread challenges of inflation, Jesus Christ has admitted that he is really no longer in a position to save these days.

“I used to devote my life to the less fortunate,” said Christ, who worked as a carpenter in his native Nazareth. “But now, like so many others, I’ve become the one lining up at food banks instead of feeding the hungry.”

“It’s easy enough to take five loaves of bread and feed 5000 people. But now we have 1 million Canadians expected to use food banks in 2024, and for a guy who has eschewed worldly possessions to wander around preaching, 1000 loaves of bread costs an awful lot. And that’s only one meal, in one country.”

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To read the full story in The Beaverton, click here.

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