Loafs Forever … Losing: QUOTABLE



“Outside of Toronto, hockey fans have reported agreement that a long drawn-out Leafs loss was far better than a short and painless one. Ferdinand Lavalle, a Montreal Canadiens fan, notes, “If there’s one thing the Leafs fans and I agree on, it’s that they deserve to feel as terrible as absolutely possible.”

The Beaverton written before the Leafs’ loss Saturday night to Boston 2-1


The Toronto Maple Leafs, the grammar mistake by the lake, are one of Canada’s greatest traditions.

When our Canadian teams get knocked out of the Stanley Cup fest or don’t make it at all, there’s only one thing left to do for the rest of the playoffs. Root against the Maple Loafs (Loaves). Yes, we do it. Because the losing Loafs are not lovable losers. They are from the epicentre of Canada (no, the world) that just can’t get over itself. It is the New York of the north, which really means it’s not New York. It’s Toronto. You can tell by the name.

God bless the Beaverton for been so damn prescient as to call a Loaf loss in the seventh game before it happened, though it did seem inevitable even with their big star Auston Matthews (otherwise known in Mimico and the media in Toronto as the second coming of Christ) back in the lineup.

The Loafs try to kill their fans. They raise their hopes with a Stanley Cup parade in October down Yonge Street, then unmercifully crash in May. No word of any Loaf players ending it all but if they jumped from a high place, such an exercise would be useless. They’d miss the ground.

We’ll be hearing Leaf excuses for weeks after this joyous event until the team raises its followers’ hope by signing a free-agent sack of pucks.

If the Toronto sports media could see beyond Oshawa, they’d notice that the Loafs’ elimination is welcomed across the country. The Loafs have no idea what they do for national unity. Yes on Saturday night, all right-thinking Canadians were Bostonians. The Loafs are to hockey what the National Capital Commission is to LeBreton Flats. #nccforever

So God bless the Loafs’ puny little hearts of ice and cold water. They are Canada’s New York Mets. Without the love. Or the humility.

Yes the Loafs leave open the question on the tongues of all of Canada … except Loaf faithful … how will they lose again next year? We know they will. We just don’t know how.

Ken Gray

To read the full Beaverton article, click here.


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2 Responses

  1. Eric Samuel says:

    My post season ritual (after the Sens don’t make the playoffs) is to cheer for any team that is playing the Leafs. Though I immensely dislike the Bs, they are easily the team I cheer loudly for (including Marchand) in a head-to-head match against the Leafs.

  2. Ron Benn says:

    As a recurring refrain from a friend of mine: “I have two favourite teams, the Senators and whoever is playing the Leafs”.

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