Our Secret Ottawa Police: WHOPPER WATCH

“It’s just simply some of the things that we have ordered for the office that we expected to be in by this time,”

Ottawa Police Chief Eric Stubbs on why the OPS Rideau Centre mall office is late

The secrecy surrounding the internal machinations of the Ottawa Police Service is hilarious.

Now the chief won’t tell the media what items the police are waiting on so they can open their mall office.

So what is it, chief? Sofa? Throw pillows? Curtains? Parts for Robocop? Who knew that ordering from Wayfair could be this difficult.

Maybe the interior designer hasn’t had time to accessorize. Whatever the problem is, it’s far too important to tell the media and thus the public which is paying for the loveseats in the mall office.

And here is why … because the police know better than all of us and they have big important secrets that the public couldn’t handle if they learned of them. Because the police are IMPORTANT, much more important than we little people who pay their handsome salaries. We can’t handle the truth … or the police are afraid to tell it.

You see the police have authority. They act like they have authority. They don’t realize that it is very off-putting to the public and if any organization in town needs good PR, it’s our friendly neighbourhood OPS.

Oh the Ottawa police force has secrets alright. Things that need to be covered up like some of the discipline, if any, given to officers who botched the Freedom Convoy protest. Or what happened to the officers who beat the crap out of young black man recently in a case of mistaken identity or something else.

An open, caring and inclusive force might be a nice change but the simple mindset of the OPS doesn’t get it. No wonder teachers don’t want uniformed officers in the schools. The police are too busy being IMPORTANT. They alienate the students. Furthermore, the police have secrets? Can they find secrets?

Now back to the late office that the police can’t tell us what’s causing the delays. Maybe get a desk and a couple of chairs and move the office into the ByWard Market where it belongs to deal with the real problems there. Afraid the office will get robbed like many of the Market businesses? Make the office as inhospitable as possible so that police will get out into the community and get to know the players, good and bad. You know, walk a beat.

That’s what those miserable, low-life reporters do. They walk around talking to people being friendly so they get to know the people to gain their trust, respect and help. Why some do the police beat. Reporters aren’t ashamed to walk a beat like the police are. So declassee.

And about your secret office delay … why don’t you tell the media what’s causing the problem. I mean … come on …

It’s OK. We can take it. We’ve seen worse.

And the curtains … go neutral so they don’t clash with the patterned Ottoman.

Ken Gray

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