I Love The Nightlife Inaction Plan, I Love To Boogie

05/02/2023

The Finance and Corporate Services Committee today approved the City’s first nightlife economy action plan (first nightlife economy inaction plan … that’s because no one else wanted to waste this kind of money on something so foolish … oh and before we leave this passage, how much money is the city spending on this? … it appears to be missing from this missive … back to j-school Happy Town News, you’ve got to answer the questions who, what, when, where, why, how and how much, ‘why’ in particular in this ridiculous extravaganza is important … because of the people marching on Laurier Avenue demanding the first nightlife economy inaction plan? … that must be it ) to develop and promote nightlife activities and experiences between 6 pm and 6 am (6 am … really!? … even Montreal is tucked safely in bed by 6 am), and create a more vibrant, diverse, inclusive, viable, safe and well-managed nightlife across the city (you know I look across that council chamber and I see an opportunity to “well-manage” this like, you know, light rail or Lansdowne).

Ottawa’s nightlife economy accounted for more than $1.5 billion in spending in 2019, compared to daytime spending totalling $5.5 billion, almost 30 per cent of daytime spending (that’s a heap of powerful mathematics). Vibrant nightlife economies improve job creation, attract talent and investment, economic growth, tourism and city brand building (when I think of those things I immediately say: “That’s a job for city hall”). The plan comes at a perfect time (the imperfect time, no doubt) as the city is in the midst of projects like LeBreton Flats (over which the National Capital Commission has jurisdiction), Lansdowne 2.0 (wait a second, didn’t our former mayor King James I decree that the voting at city hall during his term did not constitute approval of Lansdowne 2.0 … couldn’t we just go back to Lansdowne 0.0), and both the ByWard Market and Sparks Street public realm plans (“public realms” wasn’t that a hit by Bing Crosby … we’re just getting over Covid and now we have Boogie Fever).

In 2023, the action plan will:

Establish the framework for a Nightlife Commissioner Office for implementation in 2024 (“framework” wasn’t that the name of the piano music for the Keystone Cops … yes? … no?) (the Nightlife Commissioner Office … that’s about all the jobs this initiative will create … still if we must have a nightlife commissioner, your agent unequivocally nominates Allan (The Councillor That Fun Forgot) Hubley for that critical role);
Promote citywide and neighbourhood-by-neighbourhood participation of residents, visitors and businesses in the nightlife economy (or everybody go to the LCBO, come home and drink mickeys on the curb with the neighbours); and
Consider changes to support the nightlife economy through reviews of City by-laws, policies, procedures and services (there’s nothing that screams rock star like “reviews of City by-laws, policies, procedures and services.” Get down and boogie, Allan).

Additional action plan recommendations will be delivered through the Nightlife Commissioner Office (or Hubley who can do for nightlife what he did for light rail). Staff will provide an update on the progress of the action plan by the end of 2024 (now that’s an action plan, reporting “progress” in more than a year-and-a half … by the way, is this one Stalin’s five-year plans? Now there’s a man who could party).

The Committee also received the 2021 and 2022 Lansdowne Annual Report (and autopsy). The report outlines the use of delegated authority at Lansdowne (oh no, we saw what delegated authority gave us at Lansdowne 1.0 … start with sole-sourcing … fyi Allan, nightlife dude, they didn’t say “soul-sourcing”, I think that was Sam and Dave) and meetings between the City and the Ottawa Sports and Entertainment Group (OSEG). It also provides updates on the partnership site operations and the urban park programming (so there’s a ‘what’ missing there HTN, as in what are the “partnership site operations and the urban park programming”).

Operationally, the last two years have been challenging for Lansdowne (and every other business in the city) due to COVID-19 (and before the pandemic because no one wanted to go to a shopping centre in the Glebe). While attendance and revenues have started to increase again, they remain below pre-pandemic levels (it’s probably due to the Boogie Fever). The updated 2022/2023 projections show a decrease to $326 million in waterfall (really are you still using that tricklefall word? … in fact, tricklefall is over-stating the returns to the people of Ottawa from Lansdowne 2.0) distributions over the 40-year period, compared to the 2021/2022 projection. This is higher than projections from the outset of the project, but the City is still not anticipated to receive any distributions from the partnership over the 40-year term of the agreement as OSEG is not expected to recover all the equity it has contributed to date (OK, so now it is official, for the taxpayers of Ottawa, Lansdowne 1.0 is an unmitigated failure … so let’s get going on Lansdowne 2.0 so our taxpayers can have more unmitigated failure … where’s that mickey?).

Items from today’s meeting will rise to Council on Wednesday, May 10 (sort of like that lunch you had with the Nightlife Commissioner).

(So in the words of this missive, Lansdowne 1.0 flopped and Lansdowne 2.0 will flop, too. Let’s get going on this immediately. In fact, start on Lansdowne 3.0. Ottawa taxpayers are screaming for progress on this file because they are eager to NOT make any money from this “partnership” again. Partnership you say …)

The City of Ottawa with help from the esteemed
and award-winning editor of The Bulldog, Ken Gray.

The footnotes for this release are below:

Alicia Bridges - I Love The Nightlife (1978)