The Ottawa Writing That Fun Forgot

“Sardonicism aside, I’ve always believed in Ottawa’s potential. It reminds me of an awkward, gawky teenager, always pitted against its elder siblings Toronto and Montreal. Sure, the puberty strains have been tough this past decade. I’m hopeful we’re ready to evolve into the mature, sophisticated city we’re destined to become.”

Amen Jafri, Ottawa Magazine

OK, let’s all get this out of the way with this word from Conrad Black’s thesaurus.

“Sardonicism … disdainfully or skeptically humorous : derisively mocking.” Merriam-Webster dictionary.

Your agent has been writing, managing media, reporting and editing professionally for about four decades but I had to ramble to the dictionary for that one.

The last thing you want to do with your writing is try to make it inaccessible. If you’re using words from Black’s bloated vocabulary, you’re writing to yourself and who benefits from that? If you’re trying to look real smart, write something that other people will read. And maybe even something new.

What people do with a word like that is skip over it or stop reading. Neither option is especially good. Hello Conrad Black. How’s your gravitas today?

Anyway, enough of this editor’s pet peeve.

Your agent wants to read something about “the city that fun forgot” just about as bad as he wants a rash. That phrase is fingernails on chalkboard. That expression was original about three or four decades ago. It’s also not true.

If you think boozing into the wee hours of the night is fun, well move to Montreal because apparently that is important. And whatever Torontonians think is fun, well you can have that, too.

Ottawa is a serious town full of serious people. You know, people working the late shift at the Civic emergency room. Or writing important government policy. Or, imagine this, spending time with their families.

That said, you can do everything here that occurs in Montreal and Toronto but minus some of the airs.

That Huge Blast Of Hot Air Comes From Kanata South

Jafri thinks that what’s important to change Ottawa is a world-class light-rail system. In what is quickly becoming a post-transit society, doubtful I’ll live to see that. And if you’re using the words ‘world-class’ be assured it is not world-class. They don’t say “world-class” in New York because it just is world-class. And furthermore, who cares?

Jafri also believes that in 2033 we’ll be enjoying raves on Sparks Street. No, people will be laughing at raves a decade from now, just like we laugh at bell-bottoms today.

Frankly, I’m surprised any of Jafri’s word stuck to the page.

To see more of this pompous pap from Ottawa magazine, click here. Or not.

In the meantime, we’ll do our best to meet Jafri’s standards.

Ken Gray

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